What I did on my summer vacation
Summer’s over. Evenings are cooler, finally. It’s rainy. Sundown is earlier. Morning roads are clogged with school buses. And my Summer of Freedom ends on Monday when I start The Commute again, for the first time in over three months.
This isn’t a note about jobs or careers; I may cover that elsewhere. Here’s the relevant work context: I left Novartis in June on good terms after 11 years of employment and amazing experiences. The last few years had been particularly difficult. I was burned out, not able to take my best self to work, and near physical breakdown. Next week, in October, I will start an exciting new job at an entirely different kind of company - a surprising and delightful closure to the summer that I neither expected nor pursued. I’m refreshed and eager to hit the ground running.
During the summer, I caught up with friends. They inevitably asked, “how are you spending your time?”, said in a tone of voice that meant “aren’t you getting bored with lying around doing nothing all the time”?
Not even close.
So what did I do?
First, a few things that didn’t happen, for any number of reasons. I didn’t sit on the couch, watching TV. I didn’t spend any time on the beach. We didn’t go on any family vacations (the kids are annoyingly busy with productive activities like internships and college prep). I didn’t see any movies. I barely touched the Xbox or Switch. I didn’t do any chores at home that were on my wife’s honey-do list, because I’m only a danger to myself and the walls with a wrench or paintbrush. I didn’t play any golf, at all, because… seriously? Somewhat surprisingly, I didn’t spend tons of time on my bike.
As I walked away from work, I was not thinking about the next thing. I just needed a break.
In a bit more detail…
- I knew that, at some point, I would need to get back into the workforce; I’m not ready to retire. I was fortunate as I had a little while before I would feel the pressure to get back on the income train.
- I was tired and I suspected I was upset. I knew that I was physically and mentally burned out. While I didn’t feel actively angry, I was frustrated about many aspects of the last few years of work.
- I didn’t trust my instincts about next steps. I hadn’t thought about it. My mindset was too heavily influenced by the work situation I had been in for the last several years. I didn’t want to make decisions on the rebound.
- I had no idea how long it takes to “recover” from executive burnout. How do you measure that?
- I had no specific plans for the summer, but I did have an immensely long list of projects that I’d collected over the years that I was eager to jump into.
So what did I do? Here are a few things I did and learned.
Health & Fitness
Recovering and getting healthy again was my top goal.
I prioritized sleep, which is much, much easier to do when you don’t have to wake up around 5am to commute into Cambridge.
In the first few weeks after leaving work, I probably slept 10 hours a day… perhaps 12 including naps. At first, I still woke up at 3 or 4am in a cold sweat, like I’d been doing for the last year, but that gradually faded. Then I’d fall back asleep and wake up in mid-morning. It was amazing. Waking up happy and relaxed was the craziest feeling.
I went to the gym three to four times a week, working with a personal trainer to develop several workout routines that would continue to rebuild my back and core after surgery.
I reworked my diet, cutting back on caffeine and convenient-at-work foods, doing what I knew should have been doing at work but didn’t have the energy to do.
There was a list of medical stuff I hadn’t gotten to enough lately… checkups, follow-ups, growing-old things… I did them all.
I slowly increased my cycling volume, working my way up to 3-4 rides a week, with a limit of about 3 hours on the bike at a time. I still haven’t hit a 100-mile ride yet, but that will come.
Results: I started laughing again. My blood pressure dropped from “high” to “really good”. My resting heart rate returned from the 60s back to the high 40s. My cholesterol dropped from “too high” into “below average”. My average sleep stabilized around 8 hours a night with zero wake-ups. I lost about 15 pounds. According to my dentist, even my gums got healthier.
Reconnecting
I spent a day or two a week catching up with old friends, responding to various contact points in LinkedIn, making new connections based on recommendations from friends. It felt sort of like the networking you do to find a new job, except I wasn’t doing that. I ended up in Cambridge or Boston about once a week. I learned how to take the commuter rail into town, and used Boston’s Blue Bikes to get around Cambridge.
Gotta say, this was a total blast. It’s fantastic to get just a bit of a perspective on all the amazing things going on in the area.
Consulting
That reconnecting led to a few actual consulting projects. Turns out that some small tech companies would like to better understand the CIO perspective and could use advice from someone who’s been through a lot of organizational complexity.
I didn’t want to spend much time in this mode because my top goal was recovering, but I was intrigued by what was going on in these companies and wanted to help out my friends in these situations.
That was so much fun! I probably could do that as an actual full-time job, as long as I was working with the right clients and not traveling too much.
Hiking and Backpacking
I went on four or five hikes up in the White Mountains, usually with a friend. I love being up in that part of New Hampshire, and hadn’t been up there enough in the last few years.
Beyond enjoying the hike, my goal in climbing the mountains up there was to test and train my back strength in preparation for a week-long backpacking trip in September in Utah. So, as I hiked in the Whites, I carried weights in my daypack, aiming to haul 30+ pounds up the mountains. That was probably insane, but it worked out.
I spent dozens of hours planning the Utah backpacking trip and getting my gear in order. Thanks to my back woes, it had been years since our last trip, so it was great to be able to get the gear ready while training.
Then, as a bit of a culmination of the summer, my friends and I made it out to Utah and hiked as planned. It was a fantastic trip. It is so pretty out there, and getting back into the outback to climb high peaks, breath in fresh air, and watch the stars spin by, especially after the last few years of back pain and work stress.. what an amazing gift.
Biology
For years, I’d had “take intro to biology” on my list of things to do. I never got to it… too busy, too many other things going on, took too much focus.
So I signed up for MIT and EdX’s MIT 700.x, Intro to Biology from Eric Landers, delivered over the web. I put about 10-15 hours a week into it. It’s been fantastic… it’s fascinating material, it’s helping to fill in all sorts of things that I’d picked up some sense about, but never really learned.
Could I be useful in a biology lab at this point? Not even close. Could I have strategic discussions about where my biology-based workplace should go? Nope. Will I have a better sense of what we’re talking about at work when we dig into biological areas? Absolutely. Will I be better able to understand the relevance and importance of new discoveries? Yes.
And I realized that there was no way I could have done this while at work in the last few years. Work and family priorities just never allowed that amount of dedicated focus over a multi-month period.
Reading
Finally, I started making progress on all the books piled up on my physical and electronic shelves. Non-fiction, business, science, sci-fi, history.. I burned through the books.
The best: N. K. Jemisin’s “The Fifth Season” trilogy. Wow.
Somewhere in the summer, I remembered that at one point in my life, I had always had a book I was currently reading. I hadn’t realized how much I missed deep reading while in full-time work mode. Tech articles, business cases, and headline browsing are just not the same thing.
Detox from Work Attention Disorder
It took me weeks, but I stopped compulsively checking my phone at all hours to see what new Urgent Issue I needed to deal with.
Still, three months later, I have this niggling feeling when I relax that there’s Something Critical I should be handling.
I’ve trained myself for decades that my “default” mode is to be thinking about work… I’m worried this one will come back in spades when I re-enter the workforce.
Crazy moments of pure joy
Several times during the summer, I found myself feeling incredibly happy… something I hadn’t felt at that level of depth for years.
These hit at odd moments. On the trail when climbing up a mountain, on a bike when riding on quiet rides, when stepping out of a subway station and having total freedom to decide which way to turn, when finishing up a particularly satisfying book…
I’m not sure where these came from. It was some combination of feeling fully rested, seeing that the kids were all on track, that I was making progress on things I cared about, and I had a lot of options for next steps, both near and far. Things just felt Good.
Reflections
Among the things I learned:
- If I do ever retire, I won’t have the couch potato problem. I had so much to do and so much going on… I was busy all the time, and having a blast.
- With the pressure of work removed (pressure I created for myself), I relearned what I liked to do and how I liked to work.
- I really can only do one “focused project” at a time. This summer, it was biology. When I tried to do other focused things that took considerably thinking (e.g. organizing three decades worth of photos), both projects slowed down too much to be satisfying or for me to maintain state.
- There are certain ways of working that make me more effective and satisfied. I took the time to rediscover those. For example, I put a lot of time into tweaking the apps I use on my laptop and where I put my data. Now it’s easier for me to shift quickly into focus mode and to put my fingers on the information I need. Likewise, I remembered that I just work better in clean, organized spaces.
- I didn’t come anywhere near to finishing my project list. I could easily have been in this mode for another 6 months. And by then, I’d no doubt have other things on my list. (Which means that “when I finish my list of projects” would have been the wrong indicator for “when to return to work”.)
- Free time is such an amazing and powerful tool.
Onwards
As the summer closes, and as I return to the workforce, I find myself with very mixed emotions.
- Worry: about what will happen as I return to full-time work. With new pressures on my time and priorities, will I lose the recovery benefits that I’ve gained? While fall into unhealthy patterns again? Hopefully I’ve learned enough from this summer to avoid this, but I’m concerned.
- Excitement: to be taking on new challenges on the work front.
- Delight: with how the summer played out, what I got done, and what I learned.
- Deep gratitude: that I had the time to recover and to explore.