Shudders
I have wondered if my bike accident would have any impact on me, other than the obvious injury-related pain and healing. You know, like waking up screaming, or being afraid of bikes, or never wanting to go to New Hampshire again. Fun things like that.
Until yesterday, I had only noticed that I now have a tendency to take bike balance slightly less for granted... only grabbing for a water bottle when I know the road is smooth, keeping two hands on the handlebars unless there's a good reason not to, and so on. That seems healthy, frankly. Since the accident, I've ridden fast at the end (and middle and front) of a paceline. I've careened down steep roads at nearly 50mph. I've zipped through tight traffic. I've navigated badly-paved roads, bunny-hoping over potholes. I've been within a few feet of other (minor) bike accidents and had a bit more of an adrenalin rush than before, perhaps, but had no noticeable difference in reaction. No problems. No freak-outs.
On our way home yesterday in our minivan, returning from a family camping trip in New Hampshire, traffic on the highway slowed to a crawl. Ambulances passed us. Cars slowly merged into one lane, then we scooted into the right shoulder to pass a collection of fire trucks sheltering an accident scene. As we went by, I glanced over to see what happened.
I saw a motorcycle on its side in the middle of the fast lane. A stretcher was being loaded into an ambulance.
The second I saw the cycle on its side, I knew what that felt like. Moving at speed. Normal. Something goes slightly, then badly wrong. Your vehicle goes in a different direction than it should, and you keep going. You slam into the pavement like a rag doll, bouncing and twisting. It doesn't matter who you are or what you believe - you are nothing but a body in motion in a deadly physics engine. Less than a second later, you're done, movement halted, equation solved. Either in extreme pain or not feeling anything.
I know what it's like to do that at 30mph. Even with protective gear, the notion of doing that at 70mph is absolutely unimaginable.
Instantaneously, my pulse shot into the high hundreds. Every nerve pulsed. My face broke out into a sweat. I blinked a lot and focused on breathing, on getting the image out of my head and the feeling of the rough asphalt out of my body.
I used to ride motorcycles, back when I was young and immortal. It was fun. I occasionally think about getting back on one. It's been on my list of "somedays" for a decade or more. It's off the list now. Never again.